ONE SMALL STEP FOR A DOG.
ONE GREAT BATTLE ROYALE FOR MANKIND.
OFFICIAL TRANSMISSION FROM THE DIRECTORATE
RECRUITMENT ORDER
REPORTING FOR DUTY
COMRADES, your time is now! You have been volunteered for PROJECT KOSMONAUTS— The free‑to‑play 2D BATTLE ROYALE where ten Soviet KOSMONAUTS face off in zero gravity for vodka, roubles, and the perfect hat. Customize your KOSMONAUT, claim epic rewards, and earn your place as HERO OF THE UNION!
FREE TO ENLIST AND FREE TO PLAY
KOSMONAUTS is 100% free to play. Your courage is the only entry fee, enlist now and save your roubles for glorious headwear. THE DIRECTORATE handles the launch— you need only pack guts, Wi-Fi, and a high tolerance for cosmic nonsense.
MOBILE MULTIPLAYER SPACE MAYHEM
Join thousands of brave (and disposable) comrades in chaotic zero-G battle royale matches against rival Kosmonauts from around the world. Face off in deadly orbital arenas filled with traps, weapons, and secrets from the Directorate.
THE HAT MAKES THE KOSMONAUT
Your helmet protects you. Your hat defines you. From chef’s hats to glorious ushankas, each headpiece tells your story in the stars. Earn them or buy them—claim your place among the stars and express your cosmic style!
THE BATTLE. THE HATS. THE GLORY. ONE COSMIC TRAILER.
STAND BY FOR LIFTOFF
“BACK IN ORBIT 12, I LOST MY LEFT LEG TO A MANIAC BEAR POSSESSED BY THE DIRECTORATE… BUT I GAINED SOMETHING EVEN GREATER — A RARE DUCK HAT.
WOULD I DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN? ABSOLUTELY.
KOSMONAUTS ISN’T JUST A GAME.
IT’S A LIFESTYLE. A BROTHERHOOD. A FASHION STATEMENT IN SPACE.”
Testimonial From Kosmonaut #5
Survivor of 17 matches. Still searching for Laika. And his leg.
SIGN UP, COMRADE. LOYALTY SHALL BE REWARDED
NEVER MISS A TRANSMISSION
Submit your credentials to receive mission updates, classified intel, and possibly free headgear.
F.A.Q.
Questions even Kosmonauts ask
IS IT REALLY FREE?
Yes. Free like a bowl of soup in an abandoned space station.
WHAT DO I NEED TO PLAY KOSMONAUTS?
A moderately decent Android smartphone, a sense of humor, and a deep love for ridiculous headgear.
CAN I PLAY WITH MY FRIENDS?
Absolutely. And betray them in zero gravity. That’s true space friendship.
WHAT KIND OF COSMETICS ARE IN THE GAME?
Hats, suits, jetpacks, emotes, stickers… if you can imagine it, we probably already made it. If not, we will.